(Yes apparently, that’s what you are. You can always rely on someone to come up with an important title for ‘mate-who-read-your-book-before-publishing’). You can put it on your CVs now. You’re welcome.
It has been nagging at me that whilst I sit daily at this computer, tweeting furiously at people I have never met, welcoming new friends on Facebook and Goodreads, heaping humble gratitude on followers of my blog…that I have been thoroughly neglecting my actual friends. All of you who helped to make me what I am today: An unknown author, with a self-published book which is currently gushing my money into CreateSpace’s coffers, and has yet to retail a single copy! A soon to be featured, slightly frumpy, middle-aged, glossy-magazine star! My, my, my, how far I have come.
So here are my thanks to you, the people who created this fabulous nonentity. My words are genuine even though my celebrity isn’t. To each of you who searched out the typos and dodgy grammar. Or highlighted characters who had mysteriously changed their name half way through the book…I thank you and remind you that when a copy of the book finds its way into your hands, it will be your fault as much as mine if there are any errors.
To my book cover design team; I apologise heartily for bombarding you with a thousand images I couldn’t then use. And for making you show them to all your friends at every social event before arguing with your feedback. And Committee ‘Name That Book’. Well! We talked ourselves around in circles, didn’t we? Until I went off-piste (pun intended) and thought up something random…which none of you like very much.
Photography – you restored my belief in my youth! I didn’t know I still had it in me to mount the front of a tractor, and Photoshop is so much easier than plastic surgery! That particular pose may have appeared rather rigid and fearful, but it did at least mean that the 6” heels on the magazine shoot were a stroll in the park.
Marketing and PR…what can I say? I’ve been to a studio in Shoreditch (so I’m now uber-cool). I have a faithful marketing team who recycle my every tweet and post. If you share a friend group with both of us, I apologise again. You must be sick of the sight of me. I tweet “boo” and my team will have it re-tweeted in seconds. The blog is going ballistic, because you lot keep throwing it at people (248 views last week!) Ballistic in my world, that is. I suspect there are many bloggers out there who would chuckle at my meagre numbers.
You all know me very well, and therefore you also know that this tongue-in-cheek, ironic, almost thank-you is about the best you can expect to get from me. But I do mean it really. For listening to me drone on endlessly. For providing limitless enthusiasm. For being there, and being my mates. From the heart of my bottom…I thank you.
With love
Sam Russell (Author)
p.s. In the interests of multi-tasking, the bulk of this email to you, my friends, may very well appear on my next blog post. Hard hearted and callous yes. But I did want to say thanks.
p.p.s Free, signed copy for each of you. Winging their way to me now. Aren’t you the lucky ones 😊
from my biggest fan (The Sister)…
I quite like being a beta reader. And it is a great blog post, as well as thank you, so definitely got to be used twice!
However in the interests of continued friendly criticism, I would like you to note that you as a person, and anything you create could never ever be given the title ‘nonentity’. Quite the opposite.
(Also your first bracket in this post is red ha ha! Can’t stop the proof reader ball rolling either, you have made us each something a bit different!)
I can’t wait to have the book, but as you already know I would have bought a dozen copies. No need to give us free ones, but yes to the signing!
With so much love and total admiration – next challenge see if it is possible to write a whole blog without dissing yourself! Maybe harder than writing a book?!
from the Mate since Primary School…
Hey you, it’s been a very interesting and gob smacking pleasure. My mate who I shared my bean poles and flower pots with, so that we could show jump round the lawn, has only gone and written a book! A brilliant, beautiful and fabulous book whose title I love (believe the ‘barley’ was my contribution!!) Have ordered a couple if copies to give to some special people and look forward to puffing out my chest with pride when they’re opened. Much love and many congratulations on your brilliance.
from the Artistic one…
Thanks for that, being a non-blogger non-twitterer, barely out of the cave animal kind of mate I really appreciate it! I can’t wait to see you in all your sexy Jilly Cooperesque horsey/farmer’s wife with attitude and a brain apparel in the slightly frumpy glossy mag!!! It’s all too weird and thrilling, you do realise you have given no end of frustrated, isolated, and bored women a reason to carry on mucking out!
This thing is going places, the map has already changed, hey it’s smokin! It’s like one of those old treasure maps burnt round the edges, except this one is still burnin!
You da nuts.
from the Yummy Mummy Comedy Act…
Enjoying every bit of your ever growing fame and will insist on being on the front cover of “Hello” when you are its main feature!!! Congratulations, have done nothing other than admired your steadfast enthusiasm, perseverance and slight madness for getting this far long may it continue babes.
Sam Russell 